I thought, in honor of Mother's Day, I'd write a little bit about my imperfections, as well as tips to take or leave, as a mother of two. I must, in appreciation of yesterday's special time, also add what an amazing job my sister-in-law did in putting together a brunch in honor of her mother, her aunt, my mother and myself (she is a mother of two animals as well). It was such fun and we were lucky women!
I have a friend, a mother of soon to be 15, who writes an amazing blog.
Here (it looks like it isn't up yet - it's the May 13th post obviously) is a post that she put out today.Whether or not you are a fan of her beliefs and perspective or not, you absolutely have to respect her resolve and dedication to her children. In my opinion, the thought process (or what I believed it to be based on my reading) was spot on. The bottom line is don't complain about your children (around them or not). They are all blessings and nothing good comes of belittling your kids. I'm not claiming to be 100% innocent of this in the past (my kids, however are my life and I'm a proud momma), but believe she nailed it. The concept is something that I've come to believe is so, critical and true. Look around, it seems to me that some of the sweetest, most well behaved and well intentioned children and adults come from parents who I can't imagine spent too much time (if any) complaining about their kids (and if it ever happened, it certainly was NEVER in front of the munchkins). I believe my kids gave me the strength I needed to get through hard times. Well, they followed behind my belief in God (and, as a result, have developed their own - respective to each age ability). However, in so many ways, they provided a constant incentive and focus and, unless you are a mother, that is a hard concept to grasp. Lyette, this momma's synopsis is "well said"!
Ok, so let's talk a little dirt. Here are a few things about the very imperfect me! Have we met? I'm a single, working and busy mom. By nature, I'm incredibly disorganized yet very creative. The creative part works out well when crafting or figuring out ways to decorate or have fun at the drop of a hat. The disorganization makes for a serious grind (and I do grind it out) on a daily basis. Have you seen those women carrying the gigantic planners in their "mom bags"? You know, the ones about whom you whisper to yourself (or a friend), "get with it", there's an app for that. What on earth would make someone need to carry (um, perhaps more like be attached at the hip to) something so tacky. I'm here to tell you, get with it and just wait if you aren't a disorganized (by nature) mom. I hope you eat your words. If only I could laugh when you do. It keeps me where I need to be and when. I can scribble, erase (or cross out - keep in mind, I'm creative and like pretty pens), reschedule, roll with the mommy punches, make sure the apples are cut up and delivered to my three year old's class or that my daughter's teachers are given a gift for the holidays because of a donation that I better not deliver late to the room mom who is probably using the app! It is what it is, and it's true. I'm that lady! I must add that I was involved in a bible study once (Blessings maybe?) where they gave amazing tips on organization. Regardless of your faith, there were some tips to remember forever! Perhaps, I'll lay that out in a pretty post someday.
I'm also the woman who was so uneducated on cleaning cars that I decided to clean my hubcaps with a cleaner that some guy sold me on the side of the road during a road trip (at a random gas station). I was determined to make myself not feel like an idiot for falling for what was most likely a ploy so I put that spray to use. Thirty minutes later (I bought the "it only takes five minutes" spiel hook, line and sinker - I can also be naive while I'm at it), there I was, with black hands (never thought of gloves until it was too late) and semi-clean hubcaps. I'll never comment about the dirty finger nails of a man who works on cars again. I couldn't even get the junk (also known as car grease -- maybe?) off of my hands for weeks. Coincidentally, I did this during an afternoon that was to be followed by a "dress up event". It sure was; dirty hands and all.
Like I said, I'm creative. When I began working out again, my son was 1 and waking up at 4:30. I made the decision then to purchase 7-11, chocolate covered mini donuts and eat them before working out. Why? It made the morning more fun and easier to stay awake. I then recommended to a woman going through a difficult time in life (finding it challenging to rise and shine) that she should start with that same routine. If she would just think of those donuts, she'd get out of bed, eat them, drink her coffee and be ready to go. It didn't go over well. Apparently, donuts were part of the problem. However, it might work for you. Eventually, I made my way back to the healthy morning smoothies (and my son began sleeping in a little).
I'm not with my kids during the work days nor when they are with their father. Therefore, I try to utilize our time together. Here's the dirty truth. On some mornings, when I drop off my son, my daughter and I head straight to the store and I buy her a donut with sprinkles. She loves it, feels like it is our special treat and it is worth every smile. My apologies to Joy Bauer, but it is what it is, and it makes us both smile. I also eat the food off my children's plates when I think they are finished. This weekend, I was wrong. One of them wasn't finished (insert gasp). What did I do? I hopped in the car and waited in line to get my daughter another. Yes, I'm that lady now too.
Here's a little more truth while I'm at it. Again, I hope this makes some of you feel better about yourselves.
My kids don't have baby books. They have printouts from Shutterfly with pictures and quotes or times spent during those years. I started the books and was side tracked for various reasons. However, my photos (one of the only areas of life where things are organized carefully and chronologically) will be ripe and ready when they are interested. I did, however, make baby blankets still used to date and highly recommend that effort.
I've read in many parenting magazines (I like to call them "thank you very much for the quick tips, thank you very little for making me feel insufficient at times" reading material) that you should never let your child win the battle in a store. According to the instructions (and words from "The Nanny" herself), you should stop what you are doing, leave your groceries sitting in the basket that you just spent the last hour putting together (because you have children trying to grab everything in sight), walk them outside and follow through with your threat to take them home if they don't behave. That sounds like a great plan. I wish you the best with it and will try, whenever possible, to follow that lead. However, I also subscribe to the "hey, do you see that security guard (sometimes it's just the person in the green apron), well, he really doesn't like tantrums" method. I follow it up with "I'd hate to know what he's thinking right now." We're out of there in minutes. Wam, bam, thank you sir or mam for wearing your apron or coat with a name tag!
Here's another of my "wrong" tricks. When my kids begin to throw any type of fit (and I'm not talking about at home), I dance. It's true. I dance and sing and before you know it, they are sufficiently embarrassed, and I feel great....I mean, really great. I've accomplished two things in so doing this act. I've outperformed them and released any frustrations from the day in a few moments. Laughter generally ensues post performance and we're back to normal.
I'm a believer in letting my daughter pick out her own clothes (on most occasions) and letting my kids cook with me. I believe a little independence and pride in what they are doing goes a long way. I know there are many that diametrically disagree. I say, let them get messy, let them clean it up, let them try, let them fail (wait, that's another post on the way). For us, it works. It just does.
When we go to the park, I don't just stand there. That's not the point. For goodness sakes, play! Channel your inner "child" and get in there. I really love the contraption where you hold on as long as you can, spinning in circles, until someone falls. It's pathetic, I look incredibly ridiculous and the three of us just love it. I think we make up more time in those few hours than can sometimes be achieved in a day.
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| Why not wear goggles in the house? |
My feeling is that kids want to know they are loved and that you are paying attention when you're with them. We can't all be home full time. We aren't all able to catch every word out of their mouth on a daily basis. We don't all have the "app", nor do we have the perfect baby book. But, we can all make the time with our kids, quality time. And, hopefully, when they are older, they'll see just that and feel loved and respected. They'll know that you can "work" your way through tough times and come out smiling, laughing, and singing and dancing in the most random of places. They'll know that the sun will still shine and we'll be back swinging around and that, when it doesn't, we'll have tomatoes to slice, avocados to mash and cookies to bake! Most of all, no-one can ever take those times away and, in some special way, whether my three year old remembers any of this or not, he'll know he's loved by his mom and his sister....and that makes this mother's day!
Still, I struggle with picture placement with the new blogging system! However, I hope your Mother's Day was a sweet one. Last, but not least, I've included one of my favorite pictures below. Happy Monday!
xx
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| Here's a little pic of my Mommy and me! |
